How Not to Weep at the World

Sir Isaac Newton’s third law of motion states that every action concerns an equal and opposite reaction. For example, if one were to walk down the street, their shoe presses against the concrete (action), and in the same way the concrete pushes against their shoe (equal action). This would allow the person to use that force to walk (reaction). Now suppose the action was to complete a homework assignment; to sacrifice time and engage oneself in the subject matter beyond being physically present for class (action) they stimulate their brain and reinforce the information given (equal action). This would allow them to grow academically, both on a report card and for their own personal advancement, which propels a student’s learning and helps with developing critical thinking skills (reaction). This semester in English at The City College of New York, I did not have much action in terms of my assignments (action) which of course lead to me falling behind in all of my courses (equal action) and now, I am not as enlightened as my other classmates may be (reaction). It is unfortunate that my personal life and struggle with mental health hindered my ability to progress in my courses. To cease this from getting in the way in the future I have been speaking with a councilor to learn how to focus harder in school. Beginning this semester, I made it a goal for myself to focus heavily on my english courses, while that has been a struggle of mine in the past, as voiced in the early “Snapshot” assignment. Through early assignments addressing rhetorical language and effectiveness however, I have been able to compare unique literary works from outside of class to the works of those we’d spoken about during class. I also learned that there is no specific way to use language, which in other courses I’ve taken, has always been a gray area for me. Relentless of my struggles with this class, I still have faith that I am now a stronger writer and a more investigative reader.

In the “Snapshot” assignment, I described my upbringing with reading. While it was something I loved to do with my family on my own time, it was a ruthless conflict I had through my reading classes in elementary school. I found reading difficult mainly because of my lack of interest in the books offered to me. I could read a coherent excerpt from a book during reading tests, but never really understand the context. However, I could perfectly understand the books I found on my own, which were never found in the classroom. This realization of the importance of figuring out what interests me the most in my courses, and implementing it into my work is fundamental. Sharing my work with peers made me realize that I am not the only one who has ever struggled with English in my early school years. The peers who read my story, and who have written the stories I read struggled with balancing English and the languages their families speak, which is far different from my personal situation. When speaking about it, I found that there weren’t many differences. Many students are made to feel ashamed and tend to be penalized for the lack of “attention” that is not being placed on the curriculum, when some teachers simply don’t push themselves as teachers and try to help the students understand in their own way. Learning of the creative freedom that can be used through literature through this course is what makes me want to keep writing and investigate other’s writing and experiences.

Amy Tan, an author (though she claims she is not a scholar of English), wrote Mother Tongue, where she describes her personal relationship with the language that she had inherited from her mother, a Chinese immigrant to america. It helped me understand the importance of the audience, that some people may not have the same cultural background as you and who may not be as understanding. In “Mother Tongue”, Tan describes a time when she was speaking to a former boss of her who suggested she should “…Hone [her] talents toward account management” (Tan 4). Tan elaborates on this statement, explaining that it is common for Asian American students to be pressured into math and science courses and steered away from writing. This is a systematically oppressive way that Asian Americans and other immigrants to America are forced to deny their culture, instead of indulging in it. Not writing in a Western tone does not mean that you must force yourself to write in a way that is unnatural to you, but in a way that is powerful. I have related this specific work toward Zora Neale Hurston’s essay “How it feels to be colored me”, written in 1926. In this essay, she reflects upon growing up in Eatonville, Florida, which at the time was a self-governed black community founded to escape racial prejudice while Jim Crow Laws were put in place. After transferring from Howard University to Barnard College in Harlem in 1925, she realized just how different her experience as an African-American is to her white peers. She describes the incredible flow of a live jazz performance and how it speaks her own language, and the intensity of the feelings it brings to her. A fellow viewer, who happened to be White, simply stated “Good music they have here”. Hurston reflects on this writing “Music. The great blobs of purple and red emotion have not touched him. He has only heard what I felt. He is far away and I see him but dimly across the ocean and the continent that have fallen between us. He is so pale with his whiteness then and I am so colored” (Hurston). She appears remorseful to be “so colored,” but she seems even more remorseful that the music that fuels such emotions is meaningless to him due to his misunderstanding of context. Discrediting his lack of coloredness is not an appraisal but it is sorrowful in her eyes, to have witnessed the same sounds but not have the same experience as her as a viewer. I’ve found that it is necessary to indulge in personal language, and not fight against it. Even through her use of African American vernacular in her other pieces, Hurston’s writing is thorough and poignant. In this essay she also states “Even in the helter-skelter skirmish that is my life, I have seen that the world is to the strong regardless of a little pigmentation more or less. No, I do not weep at the world—I am too busy sharpening my oyster knife” (Hurston) Here she recognizes that it is not your color or roots that makes you powerful, this is something that you must find within yourself. Referring to the common phrase “the world is your oyster” She states not to succumb to others belittling you, but to focus on the treasures that await you. Language is a force to be reckoned with, and allowing others’ expectations of language to belittle your truth will only leave you behind.

I hope that in the future I don’t allow myself to be left so far behind, as now I understand that it is more important to speak than to worry about what others hear. Despite my struggle with staying on track this semester, I believe that this course is one of the few that I will be looking back on constantly. Thanks to the inviting nature of this course, the freedom to experiment with language is now an anticipated tool in my hold all. I am excited to experiment more with language in the future, especially as a songwriter. I know that this course will be reflected in much of the work I do in and outside of class.